The luxury of time

I have had a lovely week.

Really. I mean that. I’m not just talking about the perfectly-grilled steak I had for dinner last night, or the fact that I’ve been lucky enough to find Girl Scouts selling cookies at my subway stop, even though those were definitely highlights.

No, this week was something special. This week, I was able to be the health care provider I always want to be, the kind I always aspire to be, the kind I hope I’ll be able to be on any given day. With every patient.

Except I typically have at least 3 patients waiting and OH WAIT another double-booked emergency visit between me and this shining ideal. But not this week!

Why? Because as a grown-up woman, I’ve found myself once again completely, swooningly in love with that unique college tradition known as Spring Break. While most of my patients spend the week in exotic locales, enjoying all-inclusive cocktails and remembering what it feels like to experience above-freezing temperatures (MUST BE NICE), I get to stay behind inside the endless polar vortex, holding down the clinic-fort and taking care of the students who are opting out of paradise in order to spend their week sleeping in and catching up on House of Cards.

But that’s okay. My week may not have involved jell-o shots, but it did involve something even more delicious: time.

The clinical schedule was relatively light, but steady. Functionally, this meant that I was able to spend about twice as much time with each patient as usual.

Functionally, this meant that when I thought this one patient and I had reached a decision point, only for the patient to stop and ask to explore, from the beginning, a completely different possible option, I didn’t internally groan and look at the clock.

Functionally, this meant that when another patient continued to send me wordless signals that she was still worried that Something Serious might be going on beyond being unlucky enough to catch a third cold this winter, I dug a little deeper and asked, and listened, and talked until the signals indicated relief.

Functionally, this meant that when a different patient decided to “oh, by the way” me as our visit was ending with a completely unrelated, and much more complicated, symptom of concern, I asked her to tell me more with a warm smile. And I meant it.

It made me fantasize about an alternative reality: one where I’m empowered to spend as much time with each patient as the patient needs – as much time as we both might need – to feel confident that I’ve done everything I can do on that day, in that moment. Fewer patients might be seen. Which means the clinic might need to hire more providers. Which, I’m quite certain, won’t be happening any time soon.

Spring Break can’t last forever. The party has to end sometime.

But the memories last forever.